From the desk of 51-year-old social media activist, Kemi Omololu-Olunloyo. Read below...
TO ALL MARRIED WOMEN SUFFERING IN NIGERIA STRUGGLING TO BE CALLED MARRIED.
"Nigerians online say that people that have never been married have no authority to speak about marriage. Absolutely false! I have never been married and was engaged to my my fiance after we had two children but that engagement was quickly broken off after we had a third child because the relationship soured. Hollywood marriages have several stipulations where contracts called prenuptial agreements are signed and many other celebrities don't even marry at all but just have children together.
"Women with several children for different men are scrutinized in Nigeria as compared to celebrity men like Tuface with several kids for many women or the P Square brothers who had kids out of wedlock. Society tends to blame the women. What led to my engagement breakdown was basically emotional and physical abuse. The emotional part being the worst and possibly what made Tiwa Savage end her marriage on camera. Nigerians and Africans around the world witnessed that last week with the award winning singer and her husband Tunji "TeeBillz" Balogun. Revelations came out in many forms as the Editor of ThisDay newspapers interviewed her while Pulse TV got the exclusive video which went viral on the internet with so many strange aspects.
"I predicted this breakdown almost three years ago in a Facebook post. "Why is Tiwa Savage marrying a man with kids and divorce is not final yet? This is how Nigerian celebrities screw up their lives." I was crucified on social media for this statement and bloggers jumped on it all criticizing me as "jealous". That was November 11th 2013. Previously to that post I had interviewed Savage at a concert asking her about marriage, family and kids and she said she definitely wanted that aspect in her life one day only to discover she chose to date her married manager. This is now. Tiwa revealed in the interview that her husband was indeed suicidal, contrary to his deleted suicidal note posted on instagram, something fans were earlier misled about, he had a drug habit with cocaine, owed N45M as a bad debt partly in her name, jealous of her success, defamed and slandered her claiming she slept with label mates Don Jazzy and Dr Sid along with singer TuFace Idibia, abandoned her in Jamaica while she suffered a miscarriage and he was with another woman saved on his phone as "Edible Caterer" and finally infidelities that included another and a secret 3rd child in Nigeria she had no knowledge of. That was a massive handful as Savage revealed in her interview shedding tears saying their marriage was over.
"Red flags are all over potential marriages and Nigerian women planning to marry men who have previous children and relationships must be cautioned except if they know they are going into a polygamous marriage. Tiwa Savage had a music manager who was married to someone else, next she started dating him while he was still married and had not finalized his divorce and that was where I threw the caution and got ripped by Nigerians.
"People like Toke Makinwa, another young successful Nigerian media personality was the subject of another similar infidelity scandal. My advice to Makinwa was to exit her marriage as it was now "tainted" with an illegitimate baby. In Makinwa's case her husband Maje Ayida impregnated and ex-girlfriend Anita Solomon who he secretly dated simultaneously with Makinwa. Makinwa just had a high profile wedding to Ayida and Solomon the other woman was busy watching from the outside. Toke still does not have a child with Ayida and in my write up I suggested that she was too young, successful and does not need Ayida to use her money to lavish himself and someone else's baby. I actually suggested that Makinwa end the marriage. She went on to address her fans on her popular video blog on what she was going to do distancing herself from the marriage but not clear. A few months later, she was seen with her estranged husband in public and all tongues were wagging. I can only give solid advice to young successful Nigerian women ending up in these unsuccessful relationships.
"I have been there but maybe not as bad, emotional abuse is now the order of the day in Nigeria and Tiwa Savage is living what many Nigerian married women are living but not popular or ready to air their dirty laundry to society. Marriage is too overrated in Nigeria. The term "Go and Marry" is stupidly used on social media. Being single is not a sin. Tiwa Savage-Balogun's endorsements may be at risk with Pepsi and Pampers after this saga and that revealing interview which also mentioned that TeeBillz her husband sometimes didn't have money to buy diapers and was busy squandering all her cash on drugs. Many people blasted him on his instagram account on a particular photo of Jamil their son sitting next to cases of Pampers. Most women must speak out rather than suffering in a bad marriage. It is time all married women bypass tradition and talk about it. Don't suffer within yourselves!"
